Appreciated!

BLOG!!!! OMG SO MUCH TO TELL YOU SINCE THE LAST TIME I POSTED!

So, bare with me, it's going to be a long one! Filled with bads and one very good one.

Ok, so last week was full of events for me every night, and I will go through each night and tell you guys how I felt.

WEDNESDAY: This is the day after my last post. Anyways, for this night I had planned a personal date with Me, Myself, and I. It was to see this Piano player called David Sides at a Restuarant/Lounge type place. And I was going to go by myself because 1- my sister was in Boca, 2-Marleni was working, 3- I wanted to try the whole "DATE YOURSELF" thing. And it was to see a piano player play, something that I really appreciate, and don't know anyone else who truly loves it like me. Anyways, a lot of people have been telling me to do "date myself", and I wanted to try it. So at first I was having first date jitters. I was sooo scared. First I texted my homey Phil and he kind of went of on me. But that still didin't satisfy me, so I hit up my BMF, and he told me to just go. So I got the courage and just went. So there were many obstacles that I think I put myself in. I didn't know the place, I felt wierd and stupid, and at the end I didn't see the event. But, the good thing is atleast I tried it, it didn't execute well, but I did it. Hopefully the next time, it'll work out.

THURSDAY: So we were suppose to go out and do some Karaoke with my girlies, but it got canceled. Not that bad though, chilled at home with my ThugJr, made her a Diddy, and called it a night.

FRIDAY: So on this night I was suppose to go to this Art and Sole exhibit that my homey Phil told me about, and I was actually going to go, and I was looking forward to it. But my ThugJr, made me go with her to this club with the crew for Jonathans birthday. THE CLUB WAS WACK!!! Full of the shortest population of chicos and chicettes in Miami! Ugh, and the music was soooo wack. I didn't have fun at all. Kind of disappointed that I missed the art exhibit for it. Never again...

SATURDAY: Mikey's Birthday Party. ONE OF THE BEST NIGHTS IN A LOOOONG TIME!! This night still has me feeling good! A party where I only knew 1 person apart from the 2 people I brough along with me. OMG! It was awesome!!!!! The people were sooooo fucking cool. The vibe was sooo nice. I didn't know you could go to a place where you know nobody, and everyone mingled as if they've known each other for years. I had sooo much fun. Apart from the fact that I was a lil drunk, it was still fun! I loved that night. And most importantly I was happy with the appreciation shown to me by the birthday boy. This is where I learned a lot of things this weekend.

After the party at IHOP:

I wasn't just drunk in these pictures. I was also HAPPY AF! =D

[I know I'm supposedly drunk in this pic, but I think I look so pretty! No wonder 2 guys tried to holla at me. lol]

So from that party I took a lot of things from it. I never felt so much much love and appreciation like the love and appreciation Mikey gave me that day. I've always been the typeto try and keep my relationship with every individual in my life in good terms. Whether it ended and we never see each other again or not, I just can't cut someone from my life on bad terms. Meaning me being the one to hurt them. But most importantly I value people who have made a significance in my life, and if it was up to me, they would be in my life forever. And Mikey was one of those people. He was the first guy I told that I loved him. He was my puppy love. I really cared for him, and with him was the first time I got a twinge of what love was or could be. Anyways I was soooo scared to see him Saturday. After all this time, we were going to see each other. And I was soo scared when I was outside the door waiting for him to open. I was soooooooo scared. And when he opened that door, he gave my the biggest and tightest hug! And told me he was sooooo happy to see me, so happy that I was there, that I came. And I immediately felt so much love from him. And genuine love from him. Later her got me again outside, and he hugged me again, and was like wow after all these years, and then again later on, like WOW! Like I never realized that people actually appreciated that. I never felt so much appreciation from someone for me just being me. He actually made me feel my worth. And I've never felt that way before. I've never felt the rewards of being who I truly am with someone, and they actually showing me love for it. And it felt so fucking good. Shit its Monday, and I still feel good about it. I will never forget it. He made me feel my worth. Not that I don't know it, because I do, but he showed it to me on a different level. It's the people who hug you and never want to let go, the people who you haven't seen for months, but nothing has changed at all, the people who give to you more than you give to them, the people that truly understand who you are, the people who you cry about, the people who you live for, the people in your photographs that have light genuinely shining through their eyes, their smile, the people that take your breath away. Those people are the ones that matter, and sometimes the ones you least expect it from.

Another thing I got from it was, I didn't know strangers could come together and migle and have fun so easily. I love the city I was born and raised in, but man, MIAMI is so WACK! You go to a house party, and you don't know anyone, you better believe most likely no one will talk to you, and if you try to engage in a conversation, they will look at you like you're crazy or think "S/HE is FRIENDLY!" As if thats something wrong. As if you shouldn't be friendly. UGH! Miami is soo stupid. But anyways, unlike most Miami ppl, these ppl at this party were awesome! They were so friendly. They were mad cool. I loved that. I wish I could meet people like that more often. I wish I could go to parties like this all the time. It was awesome!!! I never felt so good. This just proved to me even more that I need to get out of Miami. Because being in Miami, and living at home, I will never truly enjoy life, have fun, meet people, and see the good things in this world.

I am going to give you a piece of advice, advice I wish I'd been told back in high school, in between the don't-do-drugs and don't-drink-and-drive films. I wish our counselors had told us, "When you grow older, a dreadful, horrible sensation will come over you. It's called loneliness, and you think you know what it is now, but you don't. Here is the list of the symptoms, and don't worry--loneliness is the most universal sensation on the planet. Just remember one fact--loneliness will pass. You will survive, and you will be a better human for it."

There is nothing more beautiful than realizing your life is actually something of value, that every day is a gift. That even though I may not be where I want to be and I have no clue where I'm going, there will still be people standing beside me, loving me even when I fall and screw up. I know I've changed. I am a different person than I was last year, last month, last week, but deep down inside myself is still the same girl who hurts and cries and feels so much pain; I break inside. But through this, I've learned to laugh when things are hard, to smile just to feel the warmth, to sing when no one understands, to live. Because if I don't, no one else will care, no one will remember if all I am is a line between two dates. I want to be more than that. I want to be free. Free to love and feel and express. Free to learn and create and be. I will never be what the world wants from me. I will never be happy sitting there with a perfect body and a perfect boy. That's not me. I am strong and I will not shut up. I write whether I'm supposed to or not. When I believe something, it's hard to shut me down. You have to be patient and really stubborn to get through to me because I'm stubborn too. But one day I will listen, but you have to want me to...