So this thing called Love right...

So this thing called Love right...

Yeah I've been hit, I've been bitten, shot, fallen, etc. Whatever terms you use to express that it has caught you. And, its the same guy that I have written so somberly about in the last posts where you see so much hurt and pain.

Yeah... its him. LOL

Yeah, I keep going back. Its like even when I try, and when I truly want to just be done with him, when I have come to the acceptance that I may not have him at all, my insides tell me, no matter how much you may want to get rid of him, your need is stronger. Now don't get this "need" twisted with some obsessive type of need. No, the "need" is rooted from the love I have for him.

From the love...

From the fact that I want to be with him forever. I want to hold him, kiss him. Listen to him. Play with him. Make love to him. Have kids with him. Build a home. Be the arms that transfer strength when he may need it. Be the ONLY woman to give and show him affection at night. I want us to argue, discuss, and compromise. I want to get annoyed by him, go somewhere for my space, but come back and kiss and hug him because w/e it is that he did to get me upset, isn't worth me losing him forever. I want it all with him.

But I wonder...

I wonder if he'll love me back. If he'll want to spend the rest of his days with me by his side. Will he be able to withstand me and my flaws for a long period of time. Matter a fact will he be able to love me and my flaws. Will he see me as someone that no matter what, he can't stand to lose forever.

Want to know whats funny...

I'm going all in now. Like I'm going to show him my all. I want him to see everything. Because if there's anything about me he may not like, or can be a deal breaker, I rather him know NOW! And I can admit. Anytime I reveal something to him I'm scared that this can be the thing that will make him say "Naw..." but I don't care. Because I want to be 100% me, so that when he loves me, he will never be surprised by me. He will know all that I am, and I'll be sure that he will love me forever.

Now the hills....

I don't know how many times we've been up and down. And I don't know what that means. I don't know if maybe once we're together face to face maybe it'll be more stable. If not, I just wouldn't know anymore...

Enough of those thoughts, back to love...
In love, it is better to know and be disappointed, than to not know and always wonder. Love is fragile and we're not always it's best caretakers. Even the best of us make mistakes. We just muddle through and do the best we can to hope this fragile thing survives by all odds.