Random Thoughts

Sometimes I think, "when he looks at me, I bet he doesn't feel a thing," But, do I really know that? He could be looking at me and wishing us two didn't mess things up. He could care about me, I just don't want to believe because of the way he acts around me. Ignoring me sometimes, not looking me in the eye. Maybe he is really the one who would want me in his life, maybe not as much as me, but it's better than nothing at all, right?

I think we spend too much time wondering why we're not good enough - we spend too much time over analyzing, over-thinking, and overreacting. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, so much that we don't ever stop to see that well, we are good enough. You are good enough. We spend too much time with our heads down and hearts closed; and never get a chance to look up from the ground and see that the sun is shining and tomorrow is another day.

But in reality, I'm kind of mad at myself. A part of me feels like I failed and disappointed him. So I don't know. I'm just going to continue like nothing happened.

I don't believe in "the one". It's so stereotypical. You can't always get the perfect guy, or the perfect circumstances. Sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad, and smile with the sad. There will always be ways you have to bend, and certain ways you have to compromise to make it work. I just believe that everything happens for a reason.

I just want that one guy who I could be myself around. Who I can be me whole heartedly. The reason why I smile is because he put it there, and the reason why I’m done looking for the one is because I would rather have him standing right in front of me than anyone else. And I just want this guy to want me just as bad.

Sometimes I wish you would actually try talking to me again. I wish you would listen to my things, and answer back. And yes, I know as a guy, there are some things you don't care to listen or talk about, but I wished that just because you love me, and because you want to, you listen and respond, because you know it means a lot to me.

Lastly, New York is the BOMB! I want to move out here so bad. I'm loving it, the more I see it. I want to move out here so bad!!!