Dreaming...

So, I saw myself with you lastnight. No words were exchanged. You picked me up from a deserted place. Bags in hand, and we went to your place. We undressed, we showered, and we pampered. I put on a dress, you put on some nice slacks and a button up. We left your home, walking hand in hand. Occasional kisses were shared as we walked, and in that last kiss, the longest kiss, the sweetest one, my eyes fluttered open, and I felt the pressure on my cheeks as the smile spread across my face. I sighed, mad at myself for breaking up that blissful moment, but I was happy that I got to encounter you again in my dreams, it'll suffice until the moment comes that I have you close to me.

Been craving a boyfriend these past couple of days. I don't know if it had to do with Valentines Day. But I've been craving to be touched and held. To be wanted and cared for. I've been craving that relationship. Someone to go out and have fun with. Someone to kiss, someone to hug tight to.

Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you.

Questioning...

Sometimes I wonder why I let the words of others hinder me. Why do I let it chip away at my being, at my wall, and my security. It bothers me so much, because I feel like its such a weakness. Yes, I may be able to recover from it, sometimes fast, most moments it takes me to go into a full evaluation of myself and the doubts to recover, but I am never strong enough to actually stand strong to myself. I guess it probably depends on the person that the words are coming from? Still, I am constantly being tested, and constantly being put in a situation where I have to analyze profusely myself and what was put to question.



Am I alone? Or does everyone go through this? Are there people who are stronger, in the sense that they can quickly recover and find thier place again? Are there people who are weaker, who ultimately let the words and the doubts win over? Am I in the middle, because eventhough I do have to overanalyze the situation, at the end I always recover and stand my ground? I guess I truly let myself be hindered is because I do understand, and see individuals who are completely wrong but they stand strong to thier mistakes, and I, refuse to be one of those. I want to recognize when I am wrong, and recognize when I am right. I want to apologize when needed, or correct myself when needed. But then again, everyone has different view points of whats right and wrong. And because there are so many different views of right and wrong, which one do you adhere to. At the end of the day, I wish I had a clearly defined line on what I should let hinder me or not. If not, will my life be a constant questioning of my being and others?