Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Princess

A Princess is not a Princess because she is felt but a Princess is a Princess because failure has not stopped her... Hate it or Love it, I believe in Fairytales... 
Before the conception of Isaac Sarah was called Sarai, probably also a derivation of the same word, meaning my princess.

Auroroa: Well, I'm really not supposed to speak to strangers, but we've met before.
Philip: Where?
Aurora: Once upon a dream. 
 To spend a life of endless bliss, just find who you love through true love's kiss.
 From this day on now and forever more, you'll be in my heart. - Tarzan
 “Mom, Listen, I have been together with Topanga for twenty-two years, but we *have* been together for sixteen. ‘Kay, that’s a lot longer than most couples have been together. I mean, when we were born, you told me that we used to take walks... in our strollers together in the park. When we were two, we were best friends, I mean, I, I knew everything about this girl. I knew her favorite color. I knew her favorite food. Then we became six, you know, and Eric made fun of me because it wasn’t cool to have a best friend that was a girl or even know a girl, so for the next seven years I threw dirt at her. I like to call those “the lost years”. Then when I was thirteen, Mom, she put me up against my locker and she kissed me. I mean, she gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance. She was always talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word she said. All I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about, and when I’m with her I feel happy to be alive. Like I can do anything. Even talk to you like this. So that’s, that’s what I feel is love, Mom… When I’m better because she’s here… and now she won’t be. So we’re finished.”

-Cory; Boy Meets World
 Shawn: You know, he used to tell me how wonderful you were, but guys always say great things about their girlfriends until they break up. That's when the truth comes out. You know, I've waited fifteen years to find out what he really thinks about you. Do you wanna know what he thinks about you now that you've broken up?

Topanga: No. Shawn, I don't wanna talk about him.
Shawn: Now that you've broken up, he still tells me how wonderful you are.
-Boy Meets World








Monday, June 6, 2011

So this thing called Love right...

So this thing called Love right...
Yeah I've been hit, I've been bitten, shot, fallen, etc. Whatever terms you use to express that it has caught you. And, its the same guy that I have written so somberly about in the last posts where you see so much hurt and pain.

Yeah... its him. LOL
Yeah, I keep going back. Its like even when I try, and when I truly want to just be done with him, when I have come to the acceptance that I may not have him at all, my insides tell me, no matter how much you may want to get rid of him, your need is stronger. Now don't get this "need" twisted with some obsessive type of need. No, the "need" is rooted from the love I have for him.

From the love...
From the fact that I want to be with him forever. I want to hold him, kiss him. Listen to him. Play with him. Make love to him. Have kids with him. Build a home. Be the arms that transfer strength when he may need it. Be the ONLY woman to give and show him affection at night. I want us to argue, discuss, and compromise. I want to get annoyed by him, go somewhere for my space, but come back and kiss and hug him because w/e it is that he did to get me upset, isn't worth me losing him forever. I want it all with him.

But I wonder...
I wonder if he'll love me back. If he'll want to spend the rest of his days with me by his side. Will he be able to withstand me and my flaws for a long period of time. Matter a fact will he be able to love me and my flaws. Will he see me as someone that no matter what, he can't stand to lose forever.

Want to know whats funny...
I'm going all in now. Like I'm going to show him my all. I want him to see everything. Because if there's anything about me he may not like, or can be a deal breaker, I rather him know NOW! And I can admit. Anytime I reveal something to him I'm scared that this can be the thing that will make him say "Naw..." but I don't care. Because I want to be 100% me, so that when he loves me, he will never be surprised by me. He will know all that I am, and I'll be sure that he will love me forever.

Now the hills....
I don't know how many times we've been up and down. And I don't know what that means. I don't know if maybe once we're together face to face maybe it'll be more stable. If not, I just wouldn't know anymore...

Enough of those thoughts, back to love...
In love, it is better to know and be disappointed, than to not know and always wonder. Love is fragile and we're not always it's best caretakers. Even the best of us make mistakes. We just muddle through and do the best we can to hope this fragile thing survives by all odds.