Genesis 50:20

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20

In life there are so many ppl that do harm to us. We ask ourselves why is it that God let these ppl hurt us, and abuse us. Yet we fail to realize that there is a good behind every bad. And maybe this one person betraying us or hurting us in any way or form is God demonstrating to us that this person isnt the right person to be our friend or loved one. This betrayal that we might find it hurtful is something small compared to what this person could've done in the future. I realized that behind every bad there is a good. And that God shows his glory in the smallest things that sometimes we're to blind to see. You get betrayed, you get hurt, Thank God that it wasn't worse. Thank God that it was now instead of later. Therefore for al the fakers, the phonies, the haters: BEWARE!!! Dont mess with the children of God, because you can find yourself in alot of trouble not with me or anyone like me, but with a force that unhumanly powerful. Like the bible saids No weapons thrown against shall prosper!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9Hxyjo4Xlg

Whats the Point?

Whats the point of loving someone if they dont love you back?
Whats the point of caring for someone who doesnt care for you?
Whats the point of fighitng and crying for someone who doesnt fight back?
Whats the point of all the hurt, if at the end its not right?
So many intellectual women who I am fortunate to share my friendship with are currently going through some unnecessary predicaments with men who seem not to esteem the value these wonderful women acquire. They seem to not see how priceless it is to have these women at thier sides, offering to cater to their hearts, souls, and bodies. Sadly, these women are torn, and heartrending for the ungrateful men. These men who seem not to be resolute in what they want. These women have so much on their plate, having to work, alongside seek higher education, and now deal with a selfish, unappreciative coward, who is not able to voice with thier mouths what they feel in their hearts. Therefore, my question is what is the point? What is the point for me to get involve with a man, who will eventually end up demonstrating the same worthless gratitude towards my unconditional love. What is the point? There is no point. Therefore to save my heart the scars, and my eyes the tears, and my soul the pain, I will no longer seek to be involved with any man, until I have felt that I am ready to deal with all these obstacles to find my true love. When ever God feels that I am fit and ready to be with a man, therefore all the hardwork I will go through I know will not go in vain. On the contrary will be to define my relationship with the man that I am to marry. But there is no point in going through silly boyfriends, who will only play with my heart to at the end break it off to indulge themselves in senseless sex with other worthless women. That is the point!

I AM READY FOR LOVE

The bible says love your neighbor like you love yourself. Yet there are so many ppl who dont love themselves, how can they love others. And in order for someone to love themselves they have to Love God, and have a relationship with God. Speaking for myself, for so long I had forgotten my first love, which was God. I had forgotten the joy i had when i was in love with God, and i was immersed in his works. When i enjoyed serving him. Since that point everything in my life started going wrong. At the point in which i left God behind, to look for something else to find joy in, my life started going wrong. Its like leaving that good girl or good guy you have, to go out be with other women and men, not noticing that you will never find another girl or guy like that every again. I thought that i would be happy going out clubbin, or drinking, and i was wrong. Now i have to work on my rekindled relationship with God, now i have to look inside of me and see whats stopping me from reaching that level of spirituality i want to be in. By loving God, i will learn to love myself, and when i love myself, i will be able to love others, and then others will love me too. The bible says in Matthew 22 : 37 Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” I am finally able to commit to my love for God. I dont wanna be a player no more, im not running from commitment. I AM READY FOR LOVE!!!

Rejoice in The Lord

This past weekend I had one of the best times in my life. And yes Im talking about church. I haven't felt this good in a long time. I feel sooo happy, i feel like finally my spiritual life is going to be ok. Im happy spiritually and now that has been able to make me happy emotionally, and physically. I lost the count on how many times i caught the holy ghost. I FELT GREAT!!! Im so happy to see that the youth in my church is finally getting together, and we are finally on the same spiritual level. So is the rest of the church. Finally i feel like everyone feels like a family and we all have love for each other. All the hypocrits that were causing problems are gone, and we are all in the same level. We are all hungry for the Lords prescence, we are all looking for his glory. GLORY JESUS, PRAISE GOD!!!!

The Same Difference, We all make the same mistakes, and get hurt at the end

This is a reply i did to a piece a homeboy of mines wrote called the difference between girls and guys. Here is is:

So i went and did the dishes, that was kind of sexist by the way
But dont sweat it, i know you didnt mean it that way
I couldnt stop laughing, cause just the other day
i wrote a piece in my blog, venting on the games that men play
And part of what you wrote could have been true
yet i think you didnt look at every view
You talked about the good men who get over looked
Because these women are tainted by the men who overtook
Their heart and soul and left it bruised
By these niggas that they choosed
Because maybe these women went looking for these men
In places that they shouldn’t have been?
Then if they are going to the “wrong” places
Maybe these are places they like to be in
So the women who you are talking about are the ones who looked for it
Choosing men who they know weren’t good to begin with
And this is the root of everything
Everyone is missing love within
How can we love others if we don’t love ourselves
If we can’t accept our flaws, we sho nuff cant accept no one else
So there really isn’t a difference between men and women
We all make the same mistakes then try to make amends
Now hear me out and tell me it aint true,
This goes out to everyone, because this is something we all do
We meet this person of the opposite sex,
That from the beginning we knew what to expect
A person with issues, and no sense of love,
Only looking for people to manipulate and make a fool of.
Yet, we still are attracted to that individual who only thinks of themselves
Because like the saying says sex sales
We imagine ourselves changing this person for the best
Only fooling ourselves knowing that we will fail the test
Men always look for the girl with all the men after her
So they can say he was the one she prefer
And women want the men who are looking just to bed
So they can be the one who got his heart instead
And in this journey to conquer them,
We set ourselves up to be hurt instead.
If you know they are wrong to begin with
Why look out to be with them
Human beings always miss out on the good things
Because of the lack of self love tells us we don’t deserve the good things life brings
Like the popular saying says” If you’re wrong, I don’t wanna be right”
We cease to realize that’s where all our mistakes lie
Im sure everyone has had that special friend
Who no matter what is always there with us till the end
The person who shows us unconditional love
And understands you when no one else does
Yet, do we fall for that special friend who loves us
Of course not, we overlook them and look for the next mess
Until us youngin, me included, realize the bad ones aren’t it
We will keep hurting and keep looking for the ones that don’t fit
There isn’t a difference between girls and guys
Because we all been through the same shit and cried
We are looking for love when we are too young to handle it
Especially when most of us aren’t even ready to commit
Now that I washed the dishes, its time for dinner, so get to cooking again. Lol

P.S. you know I love your crazy ass.

Elders: kids in an old body

Today is a Jewish holiday, Rosh Hashana. In the building that i work at, its predominately Jewish. Therefore, there were alot of ppl coming by to have dinner, and alot of families getting together. But the most that i noticed was the elders. There were alot of older ppl coming to see thier children and grandchildren to share this holiday. One thing tho that really caught my eye was how these children, treated thier elders, their grandparents. They had to speak to them as if they were children again. An older man, who I'm sure is a grandfather, spoke to his mother, as if she was the child. He would say: "This way mother..." "Yes, into the elevator now" "Be careful, hold my hand" It was almost like taking care of a child. And the elder will walk real slow with her walker, just like a baby when its learning its first steps. My mom once told me, we come into this world as a child, and we leave as a child. We grow the tallest we can, and as the year take toll we start to shrink again. Whats the most interesting is, i bet all these elders now a days had such a nice life. I'm sure they can look back into their younger years and be proud. Feel proud of the accomplishments that they have. Sometimes we tke our grandparents, and great grandparents, if we have them, for granted. But if us Generation Y(1977-1997) and Generation Z (1997- to now) if we sat down with our elders and asked about thier youth, im sure they have a lifetime worth of stories, that wont sound old school and boring, but somewhat similars to ours. Just that they were able to enjoy it better, they took life at a slow pace(partly beacuse they had to), we want everything now, at the instant(partly becuase we are use to it). Money is always an issue, but i bet they did not fret about having the latest video game, or latest jordans. They didnt have so many extra things to waste thier money on. They enjoyed nature, they enjoyed lakes, and beaches. Our Generation doesnt know how to enjoy the outdoors. Everthing we do needs energy. To all the elders out there, i admire and envy your age. I wish i could go back to your days, and just have some plain ol good clean fun.

......and they say WOMEN are Confusing????

For aslong as I been alive, and I have watched television, women are always portrayed as the confused one who does not know who to love, neither what they want in a relationship, or how to fulfill thier needs. Yet as I have started to begin my stage of young adulthood, in which humans begin to look for that relationship, or like my education books calls it Intimacy vs Isolation stage, I've noticed that Men are the most confusing. I'm sure every girl or women has had that one guy who along from being thier friend, they have had some type or connection or interaction that makes them feel, or perceive that her male friend may be having non platonic feelings for her. Immediately, becuase as the emotional creatures that we are, we pick up on that and we also begin to develope feelings. Yet, as we begin this journey of mixed emotions, the male keeps on with his antics, showing signs of attraction and non platonic feelings, but no signs of commitment. Then when we finally pick up the "cojones" to confront the situation, they claim that they only see us as a friend. Yet, I ask, if you do only see us as a friend, why do you talk to us as if we are something more, why do you proclaim that you want to kiss me, and bed me. Why do we have this deeper connection that you do not have with no one else. Do men see thier friends as a person that they can be friends with but at the same time have sex with(and i am not talking about friends with benefits). Or is that just your friendship with women. Cause I know men dont tell their boys that they want to kiss them. Or Do women have the wrong interpretation as to what a friend is. To us, either we are just friends, or are we more then friends. Either we hug goodbye, or kiss me goodnight. Becuase someone that is just a friend to me, will never hear me tell them that i want to kiss him, or be with him, unless I have some type of feelings. I will always assure them that i only see them as a friend. Men are confusing. They tell us we are amazing, and that we are incredible women, yet not incredible enough for you. And WE are CONFUSING??? How about this, save your poor excuses, don't make it seem as if we are the delusional ones, that made up these feelings from the no where. Just admit that you aren't man enough for a women like me, that you rather go out and be with a garden tool, who doesn't value herself enough to demand respect. Just admit that you rather be sticking your libido in all kinds of women, instead of focusing yourself on one that deserves all your attention. Admit the FACTS!!! You are not ready, and you cannot handle being in love, or being with a women as I or any like me. Advice to the wise, stop sending mixed signals, and if you just want to be a friend, and only see us as a friend, then just act like a friend and nothing more.

Does the struggle Ever END!!!!

As I was talking to one of my besties today, I realized that in life, all we do is struggle. When we are born we struggle to get out, and live, as we grow up, we struggle to find out identitiy, when we are young adults, we struggle with school, society, and the workforce, all at the same time. When we are done with that stage we find ourselves dealing with marriage, kids, and a career. Struggling day in and day out, to work hard to fulfill the needs of our kids, and not to loose our marriage. Then as we get old, and all our children are old, we go back to struggling with ourselves. struggling with our health to stay alive. When does the struggle ever end? When do we ever find a point in our life where we can sit back, and relax, without a worry in our lives. You may say a vacation, but really how long does that last. Usually those 1 or 2 weeks of vacation is just another showing you are hectic your real life is. When does the struggle ever end? Maybe death, and death in Christ. If you dont die in Christ, you'll only be going to hell burning for the rest of your immortal life.

WhAtS wRoNg wItH mE?!?!?!

What is wrong with me? There has to be something wrong with me. I look at myself constantly pointing out my imperfections, blaming myself for my loneliness, for my sadness. I am the cause of this. So many ppl call me smiley, or so many ppl say that i am always so friendly. If they only knew my troubles inside, how miserable i felt, how i can't stand to be with myself. Sometimes i wanna fall in a deep state of depression, i wanna get sick, i want to just give up, put all my strengths aside and just be depressed. just hate myself, and loathe in my own sadness. just give up this fight i have with myself where i keep my mind and soul from falling into that ditch. I WANT TO GIVE UP. Can i just fall into that quick sand, and not struggle to get out or call for help. Im sick and tired of fighting, im just wanna stop. I was driving one morning, on my way to school, and i was on the highway. I was physically and unconsciously driving, but in my mind i was drowning myself in my own pool of misery, when a car all the sudden gets infront of me. And for that less then a second, i didnt want to put the brakes. i didnt want to stop myself from slamming into that car, and almost putting myself through death. for that less then a second i wanted to die. and in that less of a second, i pictured my car hitting that car, twirling in the air, falling upside down, ambulance rushing, they get me out the car, im on the ride to the hospital fighting for my life, my family in panic, im laying in a bed in a coma, the church praying for my health, my friends upset and sadden becuase of my state, yet me laying in that hospital bed gone, in a world beyond this, where i dont have worries, and i look back at myself in that bed and i tell myself, i dont wanna come back, yet, i see my family suffering and i hurt, seeing my whole life going down the drain, everything i worked for in the garbage becuase i wont be able to come back to life. and that lil stench of reality makes me put my foot on that brakes. I almost gave up in that less of a second. Maybe i do have some strength inside. I just hope the next time that less of a second is enough, i hope next time it doesnt take longer, becuase then i dont know if ill have the mental strength to put the foot on the brakes.