After sparing some words with my sisters before jumping in the shower about a certain situation, something that I said kept ringing in my ear. "At the end its y'all lives and y'all have to live it, not me." And as I kept thinking of that, I realized how I have changed in the past year. Currently in my life, I have truly been in the pursuit of my happiness. For so long in my life I constantly listened to what everyone else believed was best for me. And yes, as a child and teenager, when my definition of good and bad still wasn't clear due to immaturity, I needed that guidance, I needed to be told. And my parents did an awesome job at it. And for a while I did what others said would make me happy, and did thins to make others happy as well. But now as an adult, and now as I see more of the world, and I see more of what’s put there, I have started to get to know other sides of me. I have come to get a better view of what can and will make me happy. I've always relied my happiness on other people. On doing what made others happy, and what others told me would make me happy. And I did get a satisfaction in making others happy, but to a certain extent. Yes, it makes me happy to see the people I love happy, but at the end of the day, some of the things I would have to sacrifice and give in to left me unfulfilled, and without real joy. I see so many things clearer now.
The past year, I went after something I wanted. It was a life changing decision. It has truly changed my life in a good way and it hit me out of nowhere. One day I woke up and I said I want this. And I called my mother and I told her. And my mother talked to me about it and then told me how to do it, and gave me all her support. During the process in acquiring what I wanted, I had lots of people try to instill doubts. I had many people try to change my mind. As well as I had the few, that understood that this was going to make me happy, and that I should go for it. (My mom, Marleni, and Gee.) Others were probably scared for me, others probably thought I was stupid, but inside I had a feeling like what I was doing was good. I had the good gut feeling. In my heart, I felt happy about it. And in my mind I saw how it was good for me logically.
Now recently, I have come to another life changing decision. Once again, it just hit me one day out of nowhere, and I feel the same good feeling about it, and I'm getting the same doubts from others. But I also have the support of my mother, of my BFF Mar, and of Gee once again. LOL And I'm going for it, and I'm not changing my mind. These two decisions have so many of the same parallels, that it sometimes overwhelms me. And it’s even more reason for me to follow it through.
Since I have began this new set of mind where I go for what makes ME happy, my life has been so much better. I have been able to actually be happy. For so long, I lived this somewhat depressed life, for so long, I was so caged up, and now that I'm on my pursuit of happiness, I live so much better. I wish I had known earlier, but everything happens for a reason, and everything happens at the right time. From now on, I will continue to follow this. I will continue to pursue MY happiness. And for those who don't, I urge you to do so. Stop thinking about others so much, and be selfish a little bit. Be selfish about your happiness.
I am officially breaking the mold that was made for me, and I am going after my freedom. I am going after the road of self-finding and pursuit of happiness. I am going to go for the things that will make ME happy. I am going to follow my heart. I refuse to be locked down by the thoughts and judgments of others, and I'm going to be ME. Apart from my innocent behavior, open heart, and "soft" like character, I believe I'm so much stronger, and I know that I can do so much more and be so much more than what I am now.
I want to thank my mother. The woman that has always looked for my happiness, and for my well being. And even though sometimes she stands behind her Christian’s belief, there are moments where she shows so much understanding. She shows that even though she has strong Christian beliefs, she understands my woes and life apart from that. And she in a way, always guides me to go for what will make me, Sarai Cordero, happy. I love that woman with all my heart. And I don't even want to think of my life without her, but I am confident that she's raising me and making me into a person strong enough to live in a world without her, and that’s why she has supported me in my decisions. And I know that if I have her blessing and her support, overall, what I do is a good thing. As Tupac said "Ain't no woman alive that can take my mommas place... you are appreciated."
Marleni Orellana, I love you in a way I am sometimes scared to express. But you have been such an essential person in my life. You have supported and believed in me when I didn't. You have always been there, no matter what. You are the definition of a true friend. You give sooo much of yourself for everyone else and their happiness and their friends. And I feel like you don't go after yours. I know hopefully you'll learn to look out for yourself, and your happiness first before anyone else. I really hope you do, because I want you to LIVE your life. I want you to truly be happy for yourself, not feed off the happiness of others. I want you to find your own personal joy and happiness. So my dear friend, FOLLOW YOUR HEART, AND GO FOR WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!
Gary... you know how they say people come into our life for a reason, for some reason since your entry into mine, my life has made such a turn for good. So many good things have happened, because you triggered so many good things inside of me. My life has been overturned into a good place. I have learned and grown so much through and because of you and I will forever be thankful and forever love you. I don't know what your role in my life will be in my future, I know what I want it to be, and I'll fight for it, but at the end if I'm wrong, and it turns out to be something else, you'll always have a special place in my heart.
LOVING THE PURSUIT OF MY HAPPINESS!!! =D
