Questions....

Do you have kids?

Are you married?

Do you have a boyfriend?

WHY NOT!?!

NO, NO, NO, AND I DON'T FREAKING KNOW -__-

I am constantly asked these questions. Men and women, they all ask me this question. I answer them politely and with a smile. And with that last question which burns me the most, I just lightly laugh as if its all just a joke. They all seem so surprised as if someone like me should be married with kids. In a way I can see why they would think that, since most of the young women in my generation either got pregnant early on, or because I look much older they probably assume I'm in my late 20's and it should be a time for me to be married. But yesterday was big for me, because after I answered those question and they asked my age, 23, they told me "Well, its about time..." when usually I am told "Aww, you're so young. You still got time". But this new response... yeah, I laughed real hard at that one. Like I don't already know this. Like I don't feel the pressure. Like I don't have everyone in my church praying for me to find my husband and get married like I'm hopeless. Like my family members don't put enough pressure to have grandkids and great grandkids. Like I don't see my mom looking at me as if she secretly knows that I will be lonely forever. Like I don't know that out of my 4 aunts, 3 of them are alone, like some family curse. I know this!!

The other day, talking with my sisters, we were discussing this whole phenomenon, and I told them jokingly that if I got to 30 and was still not married I was going to kill myself, because if dating is hard now, imagine how it would be when I'm that age. They both looked at me as if they felt bad for me, and one of them said "Well, there's always Match.com" I laughed so hard! In the inside felt so sad for myself. Like is that what I'll have to result to?

I know a couple of chicks that have these wonderful men wooing them and asking them to get married. That they want to be with them forever, and have children, and a home. That they don't believe in divorce, that to them once you got married you would just have to work through any problem, but that divorce would never be an option. Things I have always wanted to hear. These young ladies, they don't want it, they tell me that they can't see them doing any of that because they have a career to think about first. In that moment I hated them, wanted to slap them silly. I discussed this with my bestfriend who also feels the same way as me, and shes tells me that thats life for you. What you don't want, you get, and what you want, you don't get. Her solution, maybe we should stop wanting it. I wish I could do that, but I wouldn't be fooling anyone, especially not myself. Maybe life, but I doubt life could be fooled. Maybe that is the route I should take. Lie my way through life. Tell people I am happily married, but that lie would just burn just as much as the truth. Funny thing is, I be the moment I give up, life with bring the person to me, and because of my lack of hope, I won't see it, believe it, and might just lose it.

Tell me about it.. :\ Pretty much everyone judges on weight or physical appearances

In reality, all I want is a man to choose to love me unconditionally forever. To see the perfection in my inperfection. Hopefully once he sees that, he will choose to marry me and make another human being from our love. *shrug*

I want that...

Don't look for the hottest guy or the popular jock in class. Look for the guy that makes you feel like you're actually worth a second glace. The one that makes you happy to be the person that you are. The guy who isn't like all the rest, but completely different. Yet, it's why you like him because he isn't like any guy you've ever known ; he's just him. Find the one you can be yourself in front of. You can say anything, you can laugh, you can smile, you can cry, you can scream, you can kiss, you can hug, can fight, make up at the end of the night, and he'd still be crazy about you.