It's Over... I'm Done.

Yesterday I put it all out there. Went all the way for him. Put my heart out there on a billboard and asked him to take it. Asked him to let me love him. Asked him to dive into a beautiful love. He declined. He decided to go the other way. And now I have to move on.

Part of me is grateful that he has let me go. Part of me is happy that instead on wasting time stuck on him, I can now move on and wait for the one who does value me. But it hurts. It hurts because I wanted to love him so bad. I wanted to be it for him. I wanted to be his woman. I wanted to show him what good love really is. But he didn't want it.

He tells me not to pursue him. But I know he loves me. I know inside, I know I'm not crazy, I know he loves me. He showed it many times. I just don't understand though. I don't understand why its so easy for him to choose not to love. Why doesn't he just give in to it. He can't be that dumb to give up something good for him. Well, I guess he is.

Now to move on. Now to work hard in making these feelings go away. Its hard because everytime I try, it stings. It hurts everytime I try not to care. Everytime I try not to think of him. Everytime I try not to feel, I get that sting. As if my heart is rejecting those actions. But I can't. I can't continue to love someone who doesn't want me. I can't continue to love someone who can't love me back. I need to move on. I need to have a healed heart for the person who will see my value, and do all he can to show me love. Show me the kind of love I've been craving for all my life. I NEED to get healed just for that. I deserve it.

I'm done. I've come to terms with it. Accepted it. And now I'm going to live my life accordingly. He's not for me... He's not for you Sarai. Someone else out there is. He will find you. So get healed and ready for him. He will deserve you. He will need you whole. And at that moment, you can then love as hard and as long as you've always wanted to love. You deserve so much better. Love yourself enough to understand that. Lol =D I am amazing. I am great. His loss.

Thank you God for giving me peace. Thank you God for loving me enough to help me through this short journey of healing. I know in due time, I will better, and ready for the next guy. Thank you God. =D