Oxymoron

Holding things in....
Fighting back emotions....
Pretending....

Its so easy for me to see him, and fight the urge to want to hug and kiss him.
Its so easy for me to hold back my emotions and not tell him I love him & that he's beautiful.
Its so easy to pretend in front of others that he doesn't phase me. That him holding her doesn't bother me.

But in reality its so hard on my heart.
Its hard on my heart when I don't voice or act out its feelings.
Its hard on my heart when I have to sit and pretend that he doesn't mean the world to me.
Its hard on my heart when she's dying for him to hold her and hug her in front of everyone else.

Its easy to do, hard to feel, and fun to see play out... up to a degree.
Because all this pretending confuses everyone.
I think we even confuse ourselves.

I just hope for the one day when I can let it all out.